How Stoics Approach Death and Start Living – by Benny Voncken

A modern rebranding of death is required, and the ancient Stoics can help us do so. We need to change our view on this part of life, the one we all share, yet often refuse to face. Many of us struggle with death, and I did too. But now, I’ve started to accept my mortality, even embrace it. In doing so, it has made my life a lot more peaceful and meaningful.

As a society, we’ve moved toward seeing death as an evil, something to avoid, reverse, or even try to eliminate. But this fear is costing us something precious. We’re losing too much of our lives being afraid of something inevitable. What if, instead, we used it as motivation to live a better life? To push it even further, perhaps we can even experience joy in dying.

“Just that you do the right thing. The rest doesn’t matter… Because dying, too, is one of our assignments in life. There as well: ‘to do what needs doing.”

Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 6.2

What the Stoics Knew About Death

Death appears all the time in the Stoic texts, as it does in many philosophies. Michel de Montaigne, who was inspired by Stoicism, wrote an essay titled “To Philosophize is to Learn How to Die.” The Stoics saw it as the ultimate test to see how well you studied and practiced Stoicism. Your death, and how you face it, reflects the kind of life you’ve lived.

Our modern view has moved away from this take. We don’t just fear death, we despise it. We try to push it away, delay it, or deny it. It is not just death, but even aging and birthdays are things we wish to avoid. Some of us exist in denial, believing it won’t come for us. And we can avoid it far better than before, thanks to modern medicine and safer living conditions. Yet, a life is never saved; it is merely prolonged. Because death is always there, waiting. We just prefer to turn a blind eye.

Death Is Change

So, why does death need rebranding?

We’ve forgotten what death is. Marcus Aurelius keeps repeating in his meditations that it is change. Just like the everyday changes we go through, but this is the final one, at least for us. And the more drastic the change, the harder it is to accept. That’s why death is the most difficult one for us to accept.

We get to practice dealing with this change all the time, every moment that is lost is, in fact, a mini-death we have to face. And to understand death, we must understand nature and life. These go hand in hand. Without life, death wouldn’t exist either, and both of them are part of nature.

“If you grieve for your son’s death, it is an accusation of the time when he was born; for at birth his death was proclaimed; into this condition he was fathered, this was the fate that accompanied him immediately from the womb.”

Seneca, Consolation to Marcia, 10

Facing Death in the Meditations

Open the Meditations at any random page, and chances are, Marcus is reflecting on change. He writes these notes in his final years, during wars and plagues. Death surrounded him everywhere, even in his personal life, since at least seven or eight of his own 13 children died very young. And yet, he brands it as change. Maybe it’s the gods, maybe it’s random atoms, taking even the Epicurean stance of random atoms as an option. Either way, his focus remains on living well now.

Paraphrasing from Marcus Aurelius, taking from Meditations 4.3, 7.32, 10.6, and 12.14, we can see that he brings this comparison up a few times. And it comes down to something like this: If it’s atoms, then death is nothing to worry about. If it’s Nature, then living virtuously will bring you peace. In either case, death isn’t the concern. Living is. But he follows the natural stance of the rational universe, causing all change.

My Own Practice: Diagnosing Tomorrow as the End

Death tends to come at the wrong moment. Especially for those who weren’t expecting it. Most of the time, it is something sudden, an accident, or simply dropping dead. But it can also be more prolonged, for example, when we receive a terminal diagnosis, which puts an end date on life. Most of us don’t know what this is like, but we can try to imagine and help prepare ourselves for when it comes. One way would be to imagine that this is your last day alive. As the Stoics would themselves do before going to sleep.

That way, we can focus on the one thing we have for sure: this moment. Right now.

Whether tomorrow comes, we don’t know. But we do know we’re alive now. And that alone should fill us with gratitude and make life a more positive experience.

What Would Life Be Without Death?

“Life, it is thanks to death that you are precious in my eyes.”

Seneca, Consolation to Marcia, 20

Take death away, and what happens? No urgency. No meaning. Imagine being immortal, what would that look like, living for eternity? Even doing the right thing might feel pointless. If there’s no end, what’s the rush?

Death gives direction. We see life’s stages. We rush to grow up, then wish we could slow it all down. Never fully appreciating either. But death reminds us of the value of now.

Why We Resist

Still, we fight it. Why? What is driving that resistance?

Death robs us of time. We want more to complete our goals. So we plan and chase, and when death arrives, it shatters all of that.

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”
John Lennon, Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy)

Lennon was stopped at the height of his life. Trying to do good in the world, for his family, and being a good person. But death came anyway. Nature doesn’t discriminate. So we must be ready.

Epictetus keeps reminding us that we need to make sure to keep our desires and aversions in check. This constant want of more is what pushed this resistance. Life will never feel complete, and thus, we can’t let it go. Our first practice needs to be to focus on what we have now, be grateful for it, and reduce our desires and aversions based on what lies beyond our control.

Making Peace with Death

How do we do that?

We think about death. Reflect on it. Make peace with it. Let it shape how we live. Do not hide from it, because it will find us.
And it’s not just our own death. We must face the death of others. Here’s the truth about every person in your life:
• You die before them.

• They die before you.

• Or you die at the same time.

Those are the only options. We don’t like to think about them, but they’re facts. Letting go is hard, but it is necessary.

The Death of Relationships

Even friendships end. People we thought would be in our lives forever drift away. They change or we do. In a way, that’s a kind of death, too. Another form of change. This could be even more difficult, like when a romantic relationship ends. The feelings are still there, the person is still there, and this hope keeps the pain alive. The only cure is acceptance and letting go.

But with physical death, the permanence is sharper. There’s no coming back. And some people don’t go peacefully. Sometimes, they linger. The body is alive, but the mind is gone. The person you loved is no longer there.

And yet, we can’t let go.

We ask healthcare workers to perform miracles. When they can’t, we blame them. Even when they’ve given everything. And when someone has lost the ability to live as themselves, are they still fully alive? Or are we keeping them here for us? Sometimes our desire to prolong life becomes cruel and robs those we love of their dignity, while they are already gone.

What Does It Mean to Be Alive?

This is where philosophy helps. It asks: What does it mean to be alive? Especially for rational beings like us. Living well, following nature, knowing yourself; these make up a good life. And a good life is easier to leave behind when it is fueled by virtue.

If we practice this, then when it is time to die, we can face it with peace and joy. The sage was said to be joyful on the rack. What the Stoics mean by this is that because she would still be able to be rational and apply virtue, that would be the source of her joy, even though she would experience physical pain.

Marcus Aurelius reminds himself of the possibilities of life and death. A guideline that can help us at this stage of the journey.

“Possibilities:
i. To keep on living (you should be used to it by now)
ii. To end it (it was your choice, after all)
iii. To die (having met your obligations)
Those are the only options. Reason for optimism.”
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 10.22

Death as the Final Act of Agency

The Stoics do mention suicide as an option, but under strict rules. It has to be in line with virtue and nature; we need to apply reason and logic to the decision. And even then they question why go this way, since death is not something we need to seek out, it will meet us on its terms. The example of Cato the Younger is used often by the likes of Seneca. He ended his life when Julius Caesar won the civil war, ended the Roman Republic, and became the first emperor. He decided it was more virtuous to end his life. Some praise him for this decision, while others believe he could have still made a difference being alive.

If someone has lived a full life and wishes to end it on their terms, they should be able to. But applying the clear guidelines the Stoics have set in place, and even then, it needs to be scrutinized carefully.

Let’s Rebrand Death

Let’s rebrand death.

See its beauty. Let it teach us how to live. Be grateful for those around us. Don’t take life for granted. And if you are struggling, speak up. This is your one life. Explore it. Focus on what matters, which is to be the best version of yourself you can be for the sake of the world around you. Talk about your fears, including death.

Because death is not the enemy. It’s the reminder.

Let’s make space to talk about it and learn from each other. After all, it’s the one thing we all share.

So when death meets us, may we say:
“I’ve lived a wonderful life. And I’m ready for this change. Death, thank you for making my life beautiful.”

Benny Voncken is the co-founder of ViaStoica.com and co-host of the Via Stoica Podcast. He has been practicing Stoicism for almost a decade and is a Stoic coach and teacher, sharing the wisdom with others for them to find more purpose and direction, as the philosophy helped him with the same.